Danny Relationship

My Relationship to the Memoir
I related to the memoir near the very end. I have never experienced Alzheimer’s in my family, and my grandparents lived to 85 and 87. For me, the memoir connected during the final months of Mariam’s life.

My grandparents raised me for much my childhood, and when they passed away in 2010 and 2014, it hit me similarly to the experience Sarah explained.

Not long after my Grandmother passed away, we realized my Grandfather could not take care of himself. We brought him to our home in Oakville and looked after him. It was only a short while later that we realized stairs were not an option, so we converted a room downstairs into a bedroom, and made the first floor very accessible.

This worked well for a year, but my grandfather began doing strange things like opening the front door at 2am, walking outside, then coming in and leaving the door wide open all night. Bathing, clothing, and making sure he had enough sleep became very taxing on the family.

I was able to connect with each of the struggles explained in Tangles. The only difference was the Alzheimer’s.

We later needed to solicit the help of night time nurses to assist my grandfather in the evening, and ensure he was cared for.

We tried for as long as we could to avoid a nursing home, but eventually it was obvious that we didn’t have the tools or skills to ensure he was having the best quality of life. Thankfully we found a nursing home just a 3 minute drive from our home in Oakville.

My grandfather was in the nursing home for slightly over a year, and we took several opportunities to visit. Slowly memory would fade, our names would be impossible for him to remember, and soon it became just a smile and a nod. Though Alzheimer’s accelerates this process immensely, the symptoms were similar and while reading each scene, I was able to connect the events with my own experience.

Towards the end of 2014 my grandfather fell ill, and was admitted to hospital in December. He passed away December 23rd but I recall visiting several times a week, and twice a day during the final week and a half. These moments were especially difficult, and in fact, Sarah’s experience and depiction in the final pages were so similar and relatable, that I had a very hard time getting through the last 10 pages or so.

The phone call, the car ride, the silent walk to the room, the unrecognizable face, and saying good-bye were all very relatable for me.

My experience with my grandfather took place over a similar time span to Tangles, but nowhere near the accelerated rate.